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Below are the 4 most recent journal entries recorded in The Emotarded's LiveJournal:

Sunday, August 8th, 2004
12:56 am
....so how do i shake the neurotic paranoid fear that something terrible is going to happen to take him away from me every time he gets in a car or goes on these weekend excursions? i feel like a fucking freak, here. :(

Current Mood: meh.
Saturday, October 18th, 2003
4:17 pm
so i think i've been really kind of codependent lately.

and now that he has a job, he doesn't always get home before me (i am notoriously late getting home from work). i've been having these awful fears lately:

1) that he's just pretending because pretending to love me is more convenient than not loving me and having all the stress and upheaval and drama and stuff.

2) that he's going to die.

neither of these things i can prevent. and they're both really unlikely. but you never know what's going to happen in the next five seconds. i have no reason to think he doesn't love me, gods, it's just insanely mushy around here. and it's probably more likely that i'll die, given the smoking, the overweight, the having-breasts, and the insane driving habits.

but like, thursday night he had ensemble practice and it ran really late. and he didn't call to tell me so, and i assumed that it was standard practice that if you're gonna be later than midnight, to call and let the other person know. so it really freaked me out badly. like, more badly than is probably healthy. eh. it's not a habit, but i guess if it happened more often it would be a habit. i made him promise me he'd call me next time. i don't mind if he's out late and actually having some social life. but don't scare me like that when i've already been going through a neurotic phase. then yesterday he was later-than-usual getting home from work, and traffic was awful. i am terrified of atlanta drivers, so it always makes me worry that he either a) fell asleep at the wheel, and/or b) got smashed to pieces by some other dumbass driver on the road, and maybe that's why traffic's backed up so badly.

ugh ugh ugh!

i am an emotard.
Wednesday, August 13th, 2003
2:08 pm
I'm Elisha.
I live in the Rochester NY area and I know a few of you members thru other people.. namely skyes! ;)

I'm hoping that it's ok to "vent" about men in my life that are not, in fact, love interests but once were.. namely my best friend.

Lately we've been getting along really well and some things in my life have twisted me around lately - he's been there, which judging from our past was shocking.
Anyway. For the past 2 months he has been super supportive and emotional and kind. I'm starting to think that I have been too much for him though because I do require a lot of effort - I know that.
We haven't really had a chance to get together lately and tonight would have been a perfect opportunity because my sister doesn't have to work therefore I won't need to be home to watch my nephew.. he is drag racing his old school caprice classic and knowing me, that would have been the coolest thing to go see with him! I love cars, I love seeing cars racing and I adore the whole atmosphere.. he didn't even think to invite me and I feel like crap as a result. Mainly because he knows this is something I would have loved to do, but he didn't even THINK to ask me.
But now I feel bad because I was really moody last night and was just trying to pick a fight about it.
After he apologized, I was still kind of upset but I was going to let it go. Two of "his friends" asked him to say hi to me when he saw me..
he said, "God, Cassy and Derek say hi, I can't believe my friends like you better than me."
it's not even a matter of liking someone better - that's absolutely stupid, I've known Derek for almost 4 years and Cassy (the best friend's girlfriend.) for quite sometime too and it what - just boogles his mind that they might want to say hi to me?
I was kind of "I want to claw your eyes out now" about all of that, but I realized that I am hyper sensitive right now so I just politely told him that what he just said was really stupid and uncalled for and it made me feel like crap.
He did apologize, I don't know how sincere it was - but I am okay with it, I forgive him of course - I think I'm just scared because I think he is going to revert into "emotionally hollow" friend and after our last argument over that, I don't think I can go through this all again. We both decided to end our close friendship because I felt more for him than he did for me and emotionally he wasn't there. he couldn't be there because he is just not wired for having someone as sensitive, moody and overly dramatic like me as a friend.
But after all of that, our friendship grew more than it ever had, and maybe it was because both of us realized what we could be losing.
Now it feels like we're both starting to go back to our old positions and I hate that so much.
I need to talk to him and explain that I don't want to go back to that. I would rather lose everything completely than go back to have an emotionally retarded friendship.

that feels one thousand times better.
I hope it's okay that he is not a boyfriend/lover/husband/love interest and he is just a best friend, I'm not sure if that's allowed.. I apologize if it's not!

Current Mood: relieved
Monday, July 28th, 2003
10:05 am
Zee Rules
OK, now that there are members, I suppose there should be rules.

1. This is a closed membership community.
2. Boys are not allowed.
3. If I think someone would not fit into this community or would not obey the rules, I reserve the right to deny them membership. It is entirely up to my whim.
4. Follow the LiveJournal rules. If your partner makes a post that upsets you in his journal, please do not link directly to it. And don't flame people and then link to their journal so we can all go look.
5. No talking about anything discussed here with anybody not in the community. This includes boyfriends/girlfriends/husbands/wives/partners/potential love interests.
6. No flaming other members or putting them down for any anxiety/issue/concern/opinion expressed in the community.
7. People who break the rules will be removed from the community.

Anyone wanting to join should email vill (at) livejournal (dot) com or reply to this message and state 1. how they found out about the community and 2. why they want to join.
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