I live in the Rochester NY area and I know a few of you members thru other people.. namely skyes
I'm hoping that it's ok to "vent" about men in my life that are not, in fact, love interests but once were.. namely my best friend.
Lately we've been getting along really well and some things in my life have twisted me around lately - he's been there, which judging from our past was shocking.
Anyway. For the past 2 months he has been super supportive and emotional and kind. I'm starting to think that I have been too much for him though because I do require a lot of effort - I know that.
We haven't really had a chance to get together lately and tonight would have been a perfect opportunity because my sister doesn't have to work therefore I won't need to be home to watch my nephew.. he is drag racing his old school caprice classic and knowing me, that would have been the coolest thing to go see with him! I love cars, I love seeing cars racing and I adore the whole atmosphere.. he didn't even think to invite me and I feel like crap as a result. Mainly because he knows this is something I would have loved to do, but he didn't even THINK to ask me.
But now I feel bad because I was really moody last night and was just trying to pick a fight about it.
After he apologized, I was still kind of upset but I was going to let it go. Two of "his friends" asked him to say hi to me when he saw me..
he said, "God, Cassy and Derek say hi, I can't believe my
friends like you better than me."
it's not even a matter of liking someone better - that's absolutely stupid, I've known Derek for almost 4 years and Cassy (the best friend's girlfriend.) for quite sometime too and it what - just boogles his mind that they might want to say hi to me?
I was kind of "I want to claw your eyes out now" about all of that, but I realized that I am hyper sensitive right now so I just politely told him that what he just said was really stupid and uncalled for and it made me feel like crap.
He did apologize, I don't know how sincere it was - but I am okay with it, I forgive him of course - I think I'm just scared because I think he is going to revert into "emotionally hollow" friend and after our last argument over that, I don't think I can go through this all again. We both decided to end our close friendship because I felt more for him than he did for me and emotionally he wasn't there. he couldn't be there because he is just not wired for having someone as sensitive, moody and overly dramatic like me as a friend.
But after all of that, our friendship grew more than it ever had, and maybe it was because both of us realized what we could be losing.
Now it feels like we're both starting to go back to our old positions and I hate that so much.
I need to talk to him and explain that I don't want to go back to that. I would rather lose everything completely than go back to have an emotionally retarded friendship.
that feels one thousand times better.
I hope it's okay that he is not a boyfriend/lover/husband/love interest and he is just a best friend, I'm not sure if that's allowed.. I apologize if it's not! Current Mood: relieved